Stepping carefully to step well

from The Sivananda Companion to Yoga, by The Sivananda Yoga Center

I’ve been noticing for a few weeks that the relationship between my pelvis & my left femur seems to be changing: My very skeleton is being restructured. I attribute this entirely to my yoga practice. Specifically, to pelvis-opening asanas, like Pigeon, Crescent Moon, Lunges, & many repetitions of Sun Salutations. But most especially to Revolved Leg Lift (laying down).

This restructuring is a good thing, because for many years there has been a tendency for that area to ‘go out’, causing various degrees of twinging. I’d occasionally hear a chunky **thunk** while jerking around the vacuum cleaner, or climbing stairs ……. but was never sure if it was going out ……… or going back in.

I’ve written before about recognizing the change in my stride, becoming stronger & more energetic, &  which has been clearing up a long-standing knee problem. What has really focused my attention to how I’m moving though is this: One evening, when I was tired, I realized as I walked across the house, that my left leg was swinging out a little bit, & the foot was kind of ….. flopping. And my knee & ball/socket joint both felt an uncomfortable pull. I began walking around, bringing my attention to it, & I found that when I concentrated more on how I stepped, from my toes all the way up my spine, that uncomfortable pulling went away.

a number of Buddhist disciples in adoration, pedestal of main “Lotus-Bud”-Chedi, Wat Mahathat, Sukhothai Historical Park, Thailand (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What I take away from this is that a skeletal restructuring, a realignment, is underway, & is reversing long-term joint issues. But that the supporting muscles are not yet strong enough to entirely remove them, unless I bring great awareness to how I move.

SO, while my striding is not exactly in the realm of continuous walking meditation, it is most certainly more mindful walking. And I see that as a giant step forward.

Have you had any similar kinds of experiences? What adjustments, bodily or otherwise, has your yoga practice brought you??

30 years of teaching …. Sudden understanding

Dry zen garden at Portland Japanese Garden (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Buddhism talks a lot about emptiness, in an effort to shape our understanding of the real nature of things & how it informs what we think. For most of us, most of the time, our thinking goes something like this: Having had a bad experience with a blue-eyed man in the past, we are wary when we encounter other blue-eyed men. This is because we’ve fixed on the ‘truth’ of the idea that blue-eyed men bring danger. Whether this is objectively true or not is not part of such a calculation, but we react to those blue-eyed men as if it were true. What has happened is that we’ve taken a notion that only has the reality that we give it, & we’ve made it “true” — we’ve given it substance, weight, permanence. It’s inherent emptiness? We have negated the truth of it.

A classic fairy with a wand (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What Buddhists mean by emptiness is the notion that things, thoughts, beliefs, ideas have no inherent self, or ‘isness’. Rather, they only have the reality that we invest them with. This is a difficult subject, as most of the time, we act, behave, react as if those things, thoughts, beliefs, ideas do in fact have an inherent ‘isness’, a realness that exists beyond our own understanding of it. This has a little bit to do with the expectations & presumptions we bring to the ‘thing’, & a whole lot to do with our unexamined minds. Teachings on emptiness are to help us understand the real nature of our egos, our sense of self, & the nature of reality. When speaking of emptiness, we can say “there’s no there, there”.

Here’s another illustration: The concept of things being inherently empty doesn’t mean that this keyboard I am typing on doesn’t exist. It means that it isn’t in fact the gateway to communication with millions of other people that I invest it as being; it is my loneliness, & need that create all that meaning. I, or rather, my wee mind, has invested that keyboard with lots of stuff that it doesn’t inherently have. It really is only a usefully constructed piece of plastic. If it got destroyed, my reaction would not be based on the cost & inconvenience of replacing it. It would be based on the over-wrought emotions I’d feel at the seeming loss of contact it would mean for me. This is what is meant by delusion, which is much of what creates much of our human suffering. This non-understanding of emptiness is what Buddhism seeks to liberate us from.

For something with no tangible realness, it is a difficult subject to grasp, this emptiness! It is esoteric, arcane, utterly alien to the way we live our mind-lives, pre-Buddhist influence. One of the classic teaching stories on this elusive concept of emptiness, is the parable of The Snake & The Rope.

A man is walking home one evening. In the half-light he sees on the path a snake apparently crossing in front of him. He starts and jerks himself away, heart beating fast, wide-eyed and alert. Peering closely he suddenly realizes that he was mistaken, in fact it is an old piece of rope! Relieved and laughing to himself at his foolishness he goes to step over it ……..

It’s been more than 30 years since I began my journey with Buddhism, & its teachings. I’ve heard, read, tried to think about teachings on emptiness many times. And I still don’t really quite ‘get’ it, though I occasionally do get glimpses of what it means. But recently, I got one of those arrow-like insights into its meaning. Which brings me to the stick.

I have a cage with two parakeets, & now & then I rearrange the perches & toys I’ve put in there, to give them some variety. Recently I took out a thick stick as it was taking up too much room. I set the stick by the side of the cage, as I wasn’t quite satisfied with the new arrangement & thought I might redo it.

Which brings me to the snake. While the dog & I were playing at the edge of the river the other morning, I noticed movement in the water. Looking over, I saw a small snake swimming against the current. I wasn’t freaked out really, but I moved away from the bank, as some of the snakes in Oklahoma are venomous, & I couldn’t see it clearly. Calling Theo to me, we went on our way, & I didn’t think much more of it.

Until …… walking into my bedroom, out of the corner of my eye I halfway saw the stick from the bird cage, & I nearly jumped out of my skin! All of an instant, my heart began to thump ….. my skin beaded with perspiration ….. my thoughts were along the line of “Holy crap! How did a f***ing snake get in here?!?” And at the same time, what my brain thought it saw & what is was seeing actually did battle for which would be deemed ***The Truth***. Ay yeeee!! As I took some deep breaths, it flashed into my mind: It is what I brought to this moment that made it what it was. The stick was just a stick, but because of what I invested it with, emptiness wasn’t there.

Which is the meaning found in the end of the tale of The Snake & The Rope:

…… glancing down he suddenly realizes the rope is a string of jewels. He gasps in awe!

Wherein thirty years of Buddhist blather suddenly made a little more sense.

Related articles

• Consciousness Is Empty (and so is love) by Susan Kahn (standinginanopenfield.wordpress.com)

It’s my 2nd blogiversary!

Yesterday, I was notified that it was my second anniversary of blogging with WordPress. Woohoo! I was blithely unaware of the actual date, but that funny little button on the top that I’d never seen before brought it to my attention — Thank you, WordPress!! I love you. My blog doesn’t exactly blaze across the internet, I know. But it is a satisfying outlet for me — It has helped me gain greater clarity of mind, through musing ‘aloud’. And I know that y’all understand what I mean when I say that I frequently discover What I Think during the process of writing it out. Which is to say, this blog is fulfilling its purpose! That we all get to share our thoughts among ourselves is a bonus.

I’ve had so much fun trying out different widgets & new themes. AND I’ve also had moments of frustration when I wished that the computer would blow up. But, working them out has taught me many things. I’ve also learned skads of new skills through cleaning up the messes I’ve made while trying to re-do something I ‘accidentally’ did, haha.

I would encourage everyone to venture outside of What You Know re the software: As with acquiring any new skill set, experimentation is one of the twin pillars of accruing new blogging skills –Try out new widgets, different theme options within your theme, various post formats. See what other bloggers have done. There’s nothing to lose because you can always change what happens, to something else. Tweaking is the other: No matter how ‘good’ your widget display, or your pages, or your category list, it can always be ‘better’. Heh heh heh heh ………  Just bimbling about within your theme you’ll make plenty of discoveries, some of which you will really love.

And never hesitate to ask for help. Post a question if you haven’t found the answer in someone else’s quest. There are many helpfulnesses within WordPress, like The topic fora … Asking questions of the technicians or other bloggers … Wordpress’ own blogs  … Clicking on the Help button lurking under the upper right avatar … Tutorials & Walkthroughs … Never be reluctant to seek — The WordPress Happiness Engineers are some of the best examples in a bewilderingly wide, multi-faceted service industry: They **know their stuff **answer questions in a timely fashion **do their best to be helpful **explain things in real-people-speak. And they seem to do it all with a great deal of verve & joy! Every answer I’ve ever sought & every solution I’ve needed they’ve provided, leaving me with this little gem: I have never, ever thought about giving up on blogging just because there are so many things to learn.

Only three more pieces of my unsolicited wisdom, for what they’re worth: **Have your header & background photos uploaded into your Media Library before changing themes. **Always preview before you post. **And do not keep a baseball bat close to the computer.

Now, on to my third year of blogging adventures!

 

A slog & a snit

English: Door in Sidi Bou Said village, Tunisia Français : Porte dans le village de Sidi Bou Said, Tunisie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You know how it starts — The first third of a semester is engaging, from the expansion of your mind, exposed to new & glorious wonders………. The first six months of a relationship are as a honeymoon, with this fabulous gift of a person that heaven has bestowed upon you ……….. The first year of living in a new city is enthralling, with all the excitement of new discoveries ……….. The door to a glorious, gratifying new life is there before you, beckoning.

Then, the slog sets in – You can barely drag yourself to class, & your brain rebels at the mass of information it is expected to grasp ………. The power struggle has begun, & you can no longer overlook the things you have been ignoring, lest you lose yourself completely ………. You’re starting to see people who remind you of the ones you didn’t like in the old city & the new job has turned out to be just like the old one ………… The friggin’ door seems to be jammed, & no one hears you knocking.

An old door (20th Century CE), Kashan, Iran (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s always the same, isn’t it? Thrill, slog ……… Upliftment, SLOG ……………….. Re-creation, then slogslogslog, that mind-numbing time when the interest wanes, the dazzle becomes dulled, the frisson fizzles. You’ve knockedknockedknocked on that door, annoying the entire metaphysical neighborhood ……. why does no one respond??? At such times, it is difficult to remember that sometimes, some times, continuing on, mostly because you just have to, will reveal something to make it all worthwhile. There’s that gem of information that changes forever how you understand life & living……….. Now you know that being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re weak ……….. You’ve realized that no matter where you go, or what you do, it is still YOU there, for all the better, or all the worse. And continuing on from that point may bring you that degree, or that life-long love affair, or that sense of finding your place in the world. The door, while no longer so beckoning, far more formidable, is yet still there.

So, it’s no surprise to me that this same process is happening with my yoga practice; I’ve been in, through & all around it with my meditation practice too. Some days, I have to f o r-r-r-r-r ce myself to start the routine. Some days, I notice myself finding bazillions of little tasks around the house that are so much more urgent! & important!! & necessary!!! & that must be done right now!!!! Whatever made me think that putting myself through those first few Sun Salutations, when my hamstrings are so goddamned tight, was worth anything?! The enlightening commitment now seems a burdensome obligation, & who the hell really cares if I roll out my thick towel palate & stand on my head?!? It’s not anyone else’s business if I do yoga, or if I don’t!! For Christ’s sake, it doesn’t make any difference in the long run. I don’t have to do it, I don’t, I don’tIdon’tIdon’t! And no. one. can. make. me. PBTHPBTHPBHT

And, if I give it up ……….. who will know??

Well, I will, I guess. I, who am my own best friend, & not just my own worst enemy. I, who am old enough & life-experienced enough & familiar enough with my own silly mind to know that I will feel bad about myself if I give up on this yoga practice or ((enter a commitment)). I, who can recognize the opportunity to create something to regret, if I quit. It is my growing-up self, the Wise Woman Within, who understands that the act of slogging still means you’re getting somewhere.

As Jalaladin Rumi, the Sufi mystic, put it in his golden way,

English: A door in Morocco in 2010. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Commit yourself to a daily practice, your loyalty to that is like a ring on the door.

Keep knocking and eventually the joy that lives inside will look out to see who’s there ….

So, there you find yourself, still, before that ever-present door, your existential knuckles bloodied & bruised, but ….. what is that?? Footsteps on the other side????

Yogic gift of Love

Lately, something has been happening when I do my daily yoga routine, something that has to do with “Love”. And it is happening more & more often. Now, this a significant thing because I come from many years of not believing that I deserve to be loved ………….

Eagle Arms Self Portrait (Photo credit: Rambling Vegans)

Here’s how it comes about, though this varies a bit, day to day, week to week. I start out with some opening postures — Tree, Eagle, Reverse Anjali in Mountain pose, Cow Face, then several sets of Sun Salutations.

Some Leg lifts, then onto Headstand, Dolphin, working up to Scorpion, & Shoulderstand, then Plow, followed by Bridge & Fish.

From there I go into several seated Forward bends, Facing the East & Side Plank.

Turning over, I move through Cobra, Locust, Bow, then Crescent Moon & Pigeon, & work on Wheel, then Camel.

Crescent Moon Pose (Photo credit: iwillnotsuccumb)

Some more seated asanas, Bound Angle, a form of forward bending Lotus, & Half Lord of the Fishes.

Standing back up, I go through Forward Bend, variations of Standing Poses, some Warriors, King Dancer & some Triangles.

Intermittently, I rest in between asanas or sequences in Mountain, Child, Corpse poses or Downward Dog.

Whew! By this time an hour & twenty minutes or so have gone by, & I’m warm & flexible. And veryvery ready to stop. And, as I position myself for a long Corpse pose, I find myself thinking:

Thank you, I love me.

And this, I wish for you too …………..

It’s true!!