I am struggling today with envy. And an abscessing too
th. And having slept poorly. The weather is blustery & becoming colder, with a lowering gray sky. Bleak, bleak, outdoors & in my outlook ………. revealed even by my choice of the word “struggle”. Hardly the “I choose to be happy” philosophy I usually embrace, & sometimes espouse! How the holy fuck CAN I ever be happy?!?!? she asks herself, expecting no real answer, & prepared to fall right on over into the pit of depression.
But I write this with a smile coming to my face, even though my cheek is swollen. And I feel a little lift in my heart (meaning: my mind) as I begin to be amused with the antics of my wee ego, which wants very much today to feel sorry for itself, to indulge that sense of not-having-enough. It wants to sink into an angering funk because life is Not The Way I Want It To Be, & by Goddess! will not EVER be!!!
As I write, though – through the magic of putting words to ‘paper’ — I realize the truth of a quote by the Buddha, that I have never before really GOTTEN. I had never been able to see what sense it made, or even to be able to figure out what he meant. Most seriously, I never really believed it, because I thought it was just that same lame ol’ sense of “keeping positive thoughts.” But now I do get it, as I watch myself put a nam
e to the feelings stirring within me — feelings I don’t like, but which are as real as any feelings are. And as I see myself begin to find amusement in my petty whining, I can begin to appreciate the abiding, humorous wisdom hidden within this little dharmic jewel:
When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.
In his infinite, hard-won wisdom, The Buddha saw, & profoundly came to grips with the choice that exists in each sliver of each & every moment: We can go on & entertain our egoically-oriented selves, indulging our emotional aches & pains, continuing to slumber along in samsara OR We can see in those ephemeral states of being, as confused & unpleasant as they may be, the opportunities we’re 
being given to wake up.
THAT’S what it means to CHOOSE HAPPINESS …………..whew!! I wipe my brow in relief, throwing back my head ……….. beginning to laugh at the sky, & offering that jewel back to The Buddha Within Me. And within you.
Beautiful and the best reminder of all. Thanks for posting this. Just love it!
Thanks! This was one of those times when I sat down to right & didn’t have a clue about what to say! But blogging has become a means of “seeing” what’s going on within — & this is what came from it. It’s like magic!!
Yes I have found the same thing! It’s magical isn’t it?
I meant “write” of course, haha. Yes, more than once, I’ve either not had any specific idea, or started to write about something but it became Something Else. I find more & more, this blogging stuff really really matters to me!!